Thursday, October 18, 2007
Yeah found some interest in blogging out of pure boredom i guess now that the EOYs are over. I really have not much idea what to do with all my free time now, nothing seems precious enough for the value of time like before the exams. So much took place since i last updated, i really feel very lazy to talk about evey small little insiginificant stuff like in house clan wars or how i basically dunked my maths paper into the toilet bowl.
Ya but now after everything's finally settled down, people look back and start to recall and reflect and looking at their thoughts and action i really feel so helpless, even towards myself. Its a urge to help but a line that is and will never be ment to cross over, and the feeling of being like a sitting rubber ducky really aint good, worst still is when it comes to yourself, when you dont know how to help yourself anymore, maybe that's what it is all about
How long since i last lay down on my bed before going to sleep do i think of anything serious? All this while was sleep the moment you hit the bed of roses, but being punctured out cold all of a sudden gives me the air to stifle those thoughts in my brain? I'm not so sure as well but sometimes, i wont call it being nostalgic, it would be more like erm, i really cant find the words for this one, its just a different time now, a time to move on and deliver. I guess it's really part and parcel of growing up?
Move all that into a cube or a box and squeeze them inside a space they don't ever fit yeah abstract stuff could be compressed but the damage is still done. how else do you think cyclones hit? Or call it sweeping under the carpet, things dont normally work that way, they do come back to haunt you. Just let the video clip play in your mind, and when you get engrossed in the movie and attract undesirable attention, i believe you do have the will to ignore. It belongs to you not others.
But still you would want a tree for shelter wont you? A canopy, a simple shade, especially one that you had helped to groom. But it might not have you along with it, count the spirals on the stump and you see how many years it has to go. Wait till you're older? No its more about whether it see you as a general stereotype or a special individual. What if it's not the latter one? Yeah i guess its a sad tale for you and your efforts of course, but sometimes the appreciation and reciprocation doesn't count. But we are all humans right? We do feel a need to be treated in a certain expected manner, especially by a tree you planted. Then again treat it as a lesson, choose the right basket to put all your eggs into the next time.
And trees do shed their leaves, even if they are evergreen they could either just be felled or damaged in every other way, and at times how far do you think it can shade you? Your whole journey?Logically it wouldnt even shade a significant part of your path through the woods and you couldnt possibly spend your whole time stationary at a single rest point, as you walk along more trees bypass, have they played a small role? Yes i guess so some more some less, but when you exit the woods which of those makes you remember?The one which you have taken the most away from in terms of food shelter and accomodation or the one you had given the most to in terms of care and protection? Its up to you to decide, but whatever it is, staying at a heavenly spot is not wise.
When it is the time to set off, wouldn't you feel lonesome again? What about the routes ahead filled with uncertainty? I dont have a clear idea now as well.
Stops along the PIE on sunday saw me face to face with a bunch of primary school kids. By then PSLE was already over and of course smiles were all over their faces in a very obvious fashion that they were going to town for some enjoyment. A very pleasant time they must have had, yet they part pretty soon in the near future.
I'm sure everyone had their share of people in their early parts of life's path. Many left fond memories but looking at those around you currently most of them would have either gornw distant from them or simply turned their backs to them. Ungrateful? or despiseful? I should think not, its just a highway interchange, stopping for better petrol and fuel. Imagine you stalling and brooding over the old time people, how much would you stand to loose? Everyone around you for a matter of fact. Past is not meant to hinder your present, its meant as a spur of leisure and nostalgic throughts.
People say dont put all your eggs into one basket, for when you harzard all you have you expect much better returns than the ordinary rest. A very practical idea in material but not in ties and bonds. For some its natural, others a forced embarkment for profits, if its the latter i suggest you take the advice at the start of the paragraph. But more often than not, you find yourself with a basket of broken eggs regardless of your intentions, i see it as rather inevitable. You entrust them your earnings and efforts in the eggs yet you cannot entirely be sure they trust that these are authentic and not stuff that captures a fiery greedy heart. How often do you get that idea when you receive a huge gift from others?
Nevertheless, as long as your intentions are true, no harm continuing to try, learn from the mistake of choice and criteria and eventually you wont find a basket of scrambled eggs. An egg juggler breaks countless eggs before he gets it right, but its the eggs in his hand that flies in the air that counts to the audience, each egg carrying tons of others. break or fail, its never too hard to colide within yourself, the internal self war i like to call it but learn to take the right side and win it fair and square without a unproper compromise and you stand to benefit from yourself.
Back to the woods, its not possible to stay with a tree forever, you stand to loose too much by giving up the entire forest for it. Well no matter how much effort have been put into it, theres always a stop to the spiral. You move on when it falls, you move on when another traveller comes along, dont expect no logging company to come, no other travellers to walk pass and take shade, all good things comes to an end, that's a hard and harsh fact, just treasure things while they last. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gona get, so giving up everything else for a single tree is really not given the rightful worth, but when you move on, plant that tree in a special spot in your heart, a place where no one comes for shade, no one comes to fell it a place where it will always belong to you~
& more clueless fears.
5:15 AM
